Hi ho, the glamorous life of the writer

Last Friday, someone I follow in Twitter retweeted this:

As a professional novelist, my preferred way to write books is the way Jo writes Little Women: in an unstoppable fit of inspiration represented by a two-minute montage, punctuated not by interruptions, responsibilities, or self-doubt, but only by someone quietly bringing me food.

— Leila Sales (@LeilaSalesBooks) January 4, 2020

This is how we all do it.

Hilarity ensued as other writers weighed in on Sales’ delicious irony with how freshly starched their pinafore is, or how loved ones bring them meals, or the efficiency of their montages.

Lichtenbergians will recognize our own King of Hearts Fallacy, the very dangerous idea burned into the world’s imagination that artists are tortured souls who simply can’t even until they are inspired, and then they pour out their art in one rushing torrent of beauty and perfection.

This is ridiculous. As in, I will ridicule this concept every time I come across it. Art really doesn’t work that way; not even John Keats would tell you that, and he was as tortured as they come.

I’m feeling inspired myself at the moment, and it is to create a video montage of an actual writer’s process:

SCENE: THE STUDY

[A blank word processing document on the screen. The desk is a mess. The WRITER is seated with his fingers on the keyboard. He does not move.]

[The writer sorts papers on his desk. He does not file them. The document remains blank.]

[The writer sits with his fingers on the keyboard. He does not move.]

[The writer scratches the Assistive Feline™’s belly.]

[The writer types furiously. The screen reveals the following text:

asdlfkj as;odfjasdkh cklvjashnfkl cahsfkl haslk; laknladj hljka bdhs ljkc asbldi jakl ;ilusdah dlifhas ilvu hals dhvjksz xc vioushbdl z,xjlisu lzulviasuh liausb ljb ijbxc lijS idja jdhs fliasijfcas ulvjcnilshbliuco dh oiuos ud dsiufaos d u dhlifudsf duiluasf sdhn dij foldfsuh oiud

[The writer highlights the text and deletes it.]

[In the kitchen, the writer pours a glass of water and sips from it thoughtfully.]

[We see the blank document; the writer sits with his fingers on the keyboard. He does not move.]

[The writer clears his desk of coffee mugs.]

[Back to the screen: an email program opens in front of the blank document.]

[Twitter opens up in front of the email program.]

[Facebook opens up in front of Twitter.]

[The writer eats lunch thoughtfully.]

[The writer, laptop bag over his shoulder, heads to the coffee shop.]

And so forth.

Check back on Wednesday to see if I actually created it.